Maple syrup goes with everything. Remember in the movie Elf when Will Farrell puts maple syrup on his spaghetti? I’ve never done that but I definitely want to. Hey, don’t judge me. That looked delicious. When have you ever put maple syrup on anything and thought that it was a bad idea? Probably never. Any food you douse maple syrup on is automatically overjoyed by it’s good fortune of having been covered with maple syrup. Covering pancakes in maple syrup is like covering yourself in a golden fleece. People instantly take notice. Yeah, that’s right. Take notice. As in, “Oh those are just pancakes. [then you pour maple syrup on them] Holy sh-t! Look at those pancakes! I want to eat them.” But it’s not just pancakes. It’s everything. How fun is it to fill every little square in a waffle with maple syrup? Really fun is the answer.
And how about oatmeal. Talk about being the plainest, most boring meal in the history of meals. Oatmeal by itself is uncool. In the human world, it would be the outcast. It would be that person that you don’t really want to hang out with but for some reason have a moral obligation to hang out with them and the whole while you’re with them, you feel like dying. It’s like the person you ostracize from the cool group. People only buy plain oatmeal because of guilt (which may be the same reason you hang out with that lonely person). But ultimately, that plain oatmeal just ends up sitting idle in your cupboard, barely being shown any attention at all. You occasionally eat it but every time you do, you vow never to do so again. Again, it’s like hanging out with the lonely, ostracized person and then immediately regretting your good intentions and cursing your goodwill. But then one day, oatmeal became cool. You wanna know why? Because two cool kids from the block, maple syrup and brown sugar, came and said to the plain oatmeal, “Hey, we’ll hang out with you. And we’ll make you cool.” Of course oatmeal was hesitant at first because oatmeal’s a Quaker and popularity means nothing to Quakers. But reluctantly, oatmeal agreed. People started eating oatmeal with maple syrup and brown sugar and INSTANTLY became more popular. That’s why they call it instant oatmeal. So then oatmeal couldn’t believe it’s good fortune of popularity. It liked popularity. So it tried hanging out with other cool kids and tried to join other cliques–cinnamon and apples. But all the while, it’s maple syrup and brown sugar that remains the coolest. Point of the story, leave it to maple syrup to make the most boring of boring foods one of the most popular. And though maple syrup is already amazing as is, having a best friend like brown sugar definitely helps. Maple syrup and brown sugar is comparable to an A-list Hollywood power couple. So of course, even though I make maple syrup and brown sugar oatmeal, I always add…you guessed it, MORE maple syrup.
Knowing that I love maple syrup, you may want to know what my favorite brand is. Aunt Jemima? Mrs. Butterworth? (I’m not sure if it’s Ms. or Mrs. Is Butterworth married?) Log Cabin? Generic? Organic? Honestly, it doesn’t matter to me. As long as it’s maple syrup. Whenever I go to IHOP, I never venture to the strawberry syrup or the other syrups. I always stick to the old-fashioned maple syrup. And I use the ENTIRE bottle.
Whenever I look at Canada’s flag, which I do more often than you would think, I immediately become jealous. So great is their love for maple syrup, that they have the maple leaf on their flag. More countries should represent themselves with their favorite things rather than just colors. America should have a vote on our national favorite thing and that would be placed on our flag from now on. What?!! Are you kidding me?!! Change the flag?!! Are you a terrorist, Angelo Ierace? Relax all you overzealous patriots. Putting our national favorite thing on our flag would be like adding another star, only we wouldn’t be taking on another state. So let’s push for that in the 2012 election. Let’s get that on the ballot. It would read: tell us your favorite thing. And the winner will be sewn in on every American flag across the nation and the entire world will know that Americans love _________. Unfortunately, we can’t steal Canada’s thunder so maple syrup cannot be written on the ballot.
And in case you were wondering, my waffles from last night were terrible. I put them in the microwave instead of the toaster so they were just hot and soggy. I know, you’re probably thinking, “You’re an idiot. Waffles 101, always always always toast them. Why would you microwave them?” Relax. It doesn’t really matter because I doused them with lots and lots of maple syrup and you know what? They were delicious. That’s right. Maple syrup, once again, saved the day.
So after I ate my soggy waffles, I went to sleep. And it was easy last night because I fell asleep to the sound of falling rain, which happens to be another one of my favorite things that I’ll miss about life. But that’s for tomorrow.